Seventeen hundred miles away from home, eight months pregnant and abandoned by my boyfriend meant a lonely Christmas for me. I’d have already moved home except that my job provided full coverage insurance for the birth, so I decided to stay put instead of putting in my notice and going home. Why saddle my forgiving parents with having to pay for everything? My mom was to fly out from Texas to Boston for my labor and delivery, but she couldn’t take off more time than that and we were still a month away from my due date. I’d been advised not to travel until after the baby’s birth, so I was stuck. Just stuck.
I spent much of my time that December alternating between basking in the forgiveness of the Lord Jesus for my stupid decisions – and berating, ridiculing, and hating myself for my stupid decisions. Oh, yes, and feeling sorry for myself. I normally loved Christmas, but now I wished it would just pass me by. I didn’t deserve to feel that warm Christmas spirit that I looked forward to every year.
Unbeknownst to me, one of my sisters back home arranged to send some money to one of my coworkers to buy gifts for me. The co-worker bought as many surprises for me as the money would allow, and wrapped them in the most festive paper she could find. On our last day of work before Christmas break, she presented the gifts to me with strict instructions not to open until Christmas. During the holiday break I gazed at the pile of gifts that waited for me to open them. Something about that festive, shiny paper made me smile. That act of kindness by my sister and my co-worker put a little hope in my heart.
The baby was especially active during that time, and I’d taken to talking to her, telling her we’d be alright. I promised to take good care of her and that I’d always be there for her. As I opened those presents on Christmas Day, it dawned on me that my heavenly Father had been whispering that to me all along. “You’ll be alright. I’m taking good care of you. I’ll always be there for you.”
It may have been the only time in my life that I spent Christmas by myself, but I never felt alone. I began to feel the joy and excitement of becoming a mom with assurance in my heart that God would always be with me. That Christmas began the long journey ahead of discovering who I am because of what Jesus did for me all those years ago on the cross, and the redeeming love that sustains me every day.
Ultimately, it’s what led me to write Washout Express. Bailey Brown listened to the unkind voices in her head for far too long. Her journey is like mine; she makes a trip from low self-esteem to the unconditional love and redemption of Christ. He changes everything.
Jody Bailey Day
Washout Express – Inspirational Romance from Harbourlight Books
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