Fear of being humiliated is often easy to admit. After all, we all can relate to not wanting to be made the fool. But admitting we desire to be preferred to others is more difficult. The very feeling itself is an admission that we also desire for someone else to be “less preferred”
From the game-winning score to the top of the corporate ladder, we love it when we’re praised for our achievements. On the flip-side, it’s not so great to have to be reprimanded for mistakes. But, if we think on it logically, does praise make the achievement greater than if no one acknowledged it?
Have you noticed a pattern in the things from which we need to be delivered in order to become more humble? The desires all are statuses that move us to the head of the table. The fears all are demotions that remove us from the spotlight and cast us into the fringes of society.
We all want to be loved. It’s part of our DNA and can’t be denied, but sometimes we crave the love of others so much it becomes a constant preoccupation, and the fear of not being loved becomes a chronic source of stress. If we’re constantly worried about whether our actions will cause people to despise us, or whether we’re lovable enough not to be rejected, we sink into that “I” trouble we touched on in Part 1.
It’s a wonderful feeling when people are lifting us onto a pedestal, and it’s difficult sometimes not to want the adulation. Likewise, it’s terrible—often debilitating—when people are talking about us behind our backs, especially if what’s being said is slanderous. It only makes sense that we would desire one and fear the other.